The Cathy Calendar on the desk in her room read September 2, 1998. It was a tradition that every Christmas her grandmother would buy her one for each year that passed. We left it that way for over 2 years after she was gone until we finally had to move to a different house because we could no longer deal with the emptiness the loss of Tara would bring. She had gotten up that day with hope in her heart that the adventure she was about to embark on would prove to be the right choice for the accomplishments she hoped to achieve. She had breakfast with her father and seemed very excited about the upcoming trip to Switzerland. She later on had lunch with her sister, aunt, grandmother and myself. She sat in between Amy and me with her arms around us in a booth in a local restaurant. Tara was always very affectionate and extremely silly and this day was no exception. I did sense that she was a little scared because there were moments she gazed away from us with a thoughtful look on her beautiful face. I didn’t want her to go alone but she was very insistent and I believe this was her attempt at growing up. She explained that she wanted to make this trip alone and show up at her new school and put her focus on making new friends. She didn’t trust herself that she would be able to stay if I came with her. ‘Come and visit me next week, but let me get started on my own.’ At one point she even suggested that we should move to Switzerland and I was giving it some serious consideration because I couldn’t even imagine living with her so far away.

I had suggested a week before that maybe she should go a day earlier so she wouldn’t have to begin classes the minute she got off the plane. She was very adamant that she go that day which turned out to be the most horrible day in all our lives. One didn’t tell Tara what to do- it was more like she told YOU what to do. It was a beautiful clear summer day, the traffic was light, so it wasn’t difficult to get her to JFK on time. We spent the time at the airport shopping for a couple of books and magazines to keep her entertained for the arduous 8 hour flight we thought she had ahead of her. We took her to the gate. I once again begged her to let me run back and try and get a ticket to come along as I was starting to get very scared that she was making this huge trip on her own. She looked at me and said, “What do you think you will prevent the plane from crashing if you come along?” Though she was obviously being sarcastic and never believed that it could happen to her, certainly not at that moment, I looked at her and said, ‘Please don’t even joke about that.’ The very suggestion sent chills down my spine. Just as she was about to board the plane she dropped her ticket on the ground. Her sister had a dream after this terrible tragedy that she reached down and grabbed the ticket that Tara had dropped and ripped it to pieces so that her sister couldn’t board that horrendous jet. We all hugged her goodbye and I called after her, ‘I love you’. As soon as she boarded I started sobbing uncontrollably which was not something I normally do. Amy also began to cry hysterically. I said to Amy, ‘Do you think she is going to stay,’ and Amy said ‘no I think she will be back by next week.’.

The phone call we were waiting for never came. The daughter that we absolutely adored, that made us so happy even through some very difficult times in our lives was never coming home again. The day she was born was the happiest in my life. The day she died a good part of me went with her. Life was never to be the same again. A darkness set in that 4 years later still hasn’t lifted. We thought that we were giving her an incredible opportunity to study overseas, meet people from many different cultures learn new languages, expand her view of the world. Instead she was to be killed in the most horrendous way one could ever imagine. In fact one’s worst nightmare couldn’t match what happened to my young daughter.
She was my first born and we shared a very special close bond. I miss her so much that it hurts. In some ways it seems like just yesterday she was with us, and in others it feels like she has been gone forever.

Her singing teacher told me that one of the last things she told her before she left for this trip was that ‘this was the summer I spent with my family.’ It wasn’t that she didn’t do that every year, but it had been a particularly good one for us. I was starting to recover from years of treatments for breast cancer and really enjoying my time with her. It was a joy to watch her begin to grow from a young girl into a woman. Amy was off at music camp that summer but we visited her almost every weekend and I was delighted that Tara would come along. She was very proud of her sister’s musical ability and would sit through many a long concert. It is so hard to describe the joy that Tara brought to my life. She would just make me laugh, and her smile was contagious. She was incredibly fun to talk to, to shop with, to have fun with- so full of life. I miss her horribly. I still can’t believe she is gone forever.

http://www.hankster.com/tara.htm

My thanks to Hank for keeping this link alive.

I send my deepest sympathy to all the families of flight 111 that lost loved ones in this terrible needless tragedy.

Thanks for sharing these memories of Tara. She was obviously an incredible person. What a horrible, horrible loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Mary, thank you very much for your thoughts about Tara. She was extremely precious to us.

I also want to extend my deepest sympathy to your family as well for the terrible loss of your parents. I've thought of you and your brothers often over these awful years.

Barbara